Saturday, November 15, 2014

At the moment of death

Now precious, private time

Sometimes it is difficult to know when the actual death comes. It is OK to just be there with love. Easy. "No where to go, nothing to do," just there with the loss, the respect, your feelings which may not be all that clear to you.

At some point you will want to write down the time of death when it seemed the person you love is no longer in the body before you.

I feel this is now your time. It is precious. Please do not feel you must make any calls. Except to those you love who you wish to be there. Or dear friends of the one who has died.  Once you call professionals, hospice, mortuary, and such there will be many decisions, much to do, many questions. You may never be able to get back to this almost sacred time.

Now private. There maybe more you wish to say. Linger, share, tell stories as loved ones together, play music, sing, laugh, cry, touch, soothe, or wash the hand you know. Some wash the body, cover it with silk, linen, flowers.

Ask those who you wish to come, to come soon and bring food, flowers, music, and instruments. Perhaps with an object, photos for a sacred spot in the room, candles, and if you do not have them, low lights. Or just invite them to come.

Take all the time you all need. Be bold. Protect this private time. Then when your are ready call the agency, the doctor, hospice, those who will need to know. But not before you are ready.

Once you  leave the bedside, the room, there will be much to do. Sorrow and shock of others to be attended to. Planning.  Things asked of you.

Out of your control, the waiting world may press hard and you leave this time of the heart. And never quite be there again in this way.